usafa application essay

Cogress nomination letter:

explain why you are joining a military academy. what are you expecting to gain from the education. 500 word limit.

The military, though at times risky, is a promising area I am aiming for. Not only knowledge for a degree is taught there, but also knowledge of moral character. The moral character taught at military colleges provides skills I will use throughout my life like motivation. Such promises provided at military academies are impossible to be found anywhere else. Being such a beneficial school, I simply cannot ignore it.

I do more than just earn a degree at military academies; I gain character. Military schools teach their students more in dept about moral character than any other. I can earn a degree from any college, but I can only earn true character from military academies.  Military academies teach Skills in character that I will use throughout my life. The military academy and service will strengthen my character in areas like motivation and patience. When I become a doctor, these skills will be tremendously useful. When I treat my patients, I will need to help them with my best quality, one by one. I will need to finish the job with not satisfying but terrific results instead of sloppy ones. In addition to that, I will be working for long periods of time with little sleep, making the motivation skill be put to use. A normal college will get me a medical degree, but it will not master my character.

If I manage to join the medical division of the air force, I will be helping the heroes of the country. While doing my service, I will be saving the lives of those who were saving me. I want to make an injured soldier not have his/her family in neither misery nor worry but rather confident that everything will end up fine. When my brother, Marek Rudak,  was at service, my family was extremely worried about him. We checked the news frequently to make sure that he was alive and unharmed. If I get into the military, I will be the one who will erase these worries. I will be saving the lives of the fallen comrades and helping them get back home alive. I will put a smile on my patient and on the patient’s family.

The air force academy is the school I aim for. Ever since my brother’s graduation at west point, I became motivated to join the military. Ever since then, I developed skills of leadership which I wish to strengthen and put into practice for my country. Being interested in physiology and anatomy, I aim to major in medics. Becoming nominated for the military is a big competition, but I believe that I have what it takes to get into an academy and make a notable difference to all.

(after i get nominated for the military, i send a packet of info about myself and a essay to the academy i wish to attend. in my case im sending to the air force academy)

air force academy essay:

when did you first become interested in the air fore academy and serving in the air force? What started your interest? What Air Force Career field do you hope to enter? What do you expect to gain from the air force academy experience and how will it help you in the air force career? 350 word limit

ever since my 1st grade year I had great interest in joining the military. It was sparked when I went to my brother, Marek Rudak, graduation at west point. After the visit, during my free time I painted my face green and camofasuse into my background, pretending to do a mission to save the country. In my fifth grade year I developed intrest in joining the air force academy to become an aerospace engineer. I build models like the Black Bird and build my own “devices” like a clock, electric toy car and a light bulb screen with unused Christmas lights. These hobbies brought me interest in joining the usafa since it is one of the best schools for it. I joined JROTC during tenth grade where I participated in JCLC. During this mini boot camp, I became more interested in becoming a doctor. Saw how troopers care for their victims and I was inspired to do the same; save lives. The special thing about usafa is that it teaches many careers. I favor the usafa characteristic of providing a flexible choice for my future career.

The careers I hope to achieve is a medical degree and go for the highest, a surgeon. To me, the usafa is the best place to get this degree not only because it is one of the top schools to get it, but also because when I serve, I will be saving the lives of those who have been saving me.

I expect to strengthen my determination in finishing a job that I start and strengthening my patience. This will be very useful in while on duty because I will be more determined to accomplish missions that I am assigned to so, even when the cost can be heavy. As a doctor, I would expect to deal with many patients that are injured during service. I would do my job for countless hours and get few hours of sleep. But with the determination of finishing my job, I will be able to accomplish it with my best quality.

edit/reflection from my group

for alex:
though your topic sentence is catching, it brings me a few questions that i would like answers. your "hooking/first sentence". you stated characteristics like Violence, struggling, death, and survival but where is the violence in the book? back it up. you also use used a vioce that is not meant to be used for such an essay, probably to fill up the minimal required 1000 words. you used unnecessary things/terms like "i mean". your draft is also very short and you will need to expand it if you are to get full credit. also, which question are you trying to answer? it would make it much easier to edit it.
Tiffany:
like the many other first drafts i read, all just have additional unnecessary words that should be eplaced or deleted. you said that you read many books alike the one you are writing about. what stories are you talking about? give examples. and what is the book that you are writing about? you should mention it in the introduction, making it easier for the readers like me. also, if you are to improve the quality of your draft, you should use a different voice. it sounds as if you are chatting with a friend. also, one solution is to add a world connection/hooking sentence at the start that relates 


vincent (gina did not do it): 
you can improve in your introductory. you should make your first sentence a more "hooking/world conection". instead,u went straight to the question. your essay also bring me some questions. what was the book about? you need to give us readers a somewhat bigger picture of the book. what is the plot of the story? just remember that if you do add some more detail abou the book, remember not to put too much that it would ruin the book for those who did not read it yet. you also placed some extra words and sentences. at times you were repedative, probably to reach the 1000 word minimum.